You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
