Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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