Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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