apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize