I should be sponsored by Trojan
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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