Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
