why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
