shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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