Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i drank out of a bidet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
