Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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