I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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