When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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