Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
