WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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