The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
