oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
