no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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