I cannot find my penis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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