Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
