I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
