i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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