I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When are your genitals available?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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