Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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