I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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