i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize