I wish my penis had an off switch
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
