you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
