Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
