sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize