alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
