Dual....:-)
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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