so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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