I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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