i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
