This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
