The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
