im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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