Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
