What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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