I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
