Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize