why didn't you poke me back
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
