drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
