the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
