so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
