Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
from now on my penis is your penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
