he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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