I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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