so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
where does the pee come out of this thing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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