they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
