He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
