I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
