You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
