If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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