textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
