i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
