I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
