I met the friendliest cop last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
